Crash my naivety some more. Prove to me again and again that there are no goddesses. That I have been fooling myself. I have come to you over and over, like the dog that loves to be kicked, to be shown again how false are all my illusions. This is the year when I lose all my innocence and it seems I’m fated to learn from you who I love the most. I have grown beyond jealousy, beyond sad reproach, beyond gagging nausea, I have gone beyond the shell shocked survivor’s silence. All my tics have ceased.

Inspite of all this, I cannot say goodbye to my dream, kiss the last of you and accept goddesses do not exist anymore. I have tried and tried. God knows how many raised glasses in the night I have raised promising with the last bitter swallow that burns my throat, I will not be a fool anymore, I will not be a believer longer. I will delete your pictures, remove your number from my phone book, stop answering your mail because I know, I know, you show me everyday, there are no goddesses left. Yet still I look. Still I search. I come back. I keep coming back.